Am I Screaming As I Fall?

August 24th, 2019

My eardrums become numb, the highest pitch in my ears. The screaming of all my demons..

Dizzy suddenly, from the circles and winding trails of my thoughts roughly bouncing all over my mind. Asking and thinking of any and all reasons.

The pain is hard to bare. The times you’re life passes you by. Struggles and society make it hard to breathe. My vision, now I can’t see.

Dark and mysterious these times are. Others fear the unknown. But the unknown always excites me.

Laughs come from within, my demons are playing. Jumping on the bouncy brain of mine. These evil demons, tell me I’m insane.

Drowning with their thoughts instead of my own. The dark twisted times they love to live.. But, those demons I can’t even blame.

Even when I’m aware of my actions and know it’s all wrong. I still follow through and my demons follow along.

Yippee, hooray… We all dance and play. My demons want me around. The time of their lives I was having. What could go wrong?

So much fun I was having. My demons are so loyal. They told me don’t worry about the time. One year, two years, three years have gone by.

I didn’t always agree with my demons. They despise me for that. They disappeared on me, for disagreeing one time.

Reality sits in and I realized the environment around me. Nothing was left, not even the demons. What have I done?

I made decisions for them, lost it all. My whole life had disappeared. For them too, to be suddenly gone.. They live in my head though? They are not gone.

My whole life on track again. I see the beautiful world. I see beautiful me, the weight lifts off my shoulders.

I do so well. Successful and loving every moment. Never turning back to the life from before. Then, my heart becomes dry, like before but colder.

The thoughts I have or actions of others quickly swift up those demons and allow them back to their playground.

What do I do? I decided to let them stay. My heartbeat so rapid. Sweat trickles out my pores. My stomach twirls around.

Oh no, not my demons. My good best of friends. They came bearing gifts. Their hearts full of dark love and twisted types of joy.

Right back into the game, I get sucked right back in. They make me feel loved, they have me fooled, I’m their ragged doll toy.

These things I tell you, These emotions I’m trying to explain.

The every day thoughts, oh gosh the harsh pain.

One day, I’m so happy and feeling on top of the world. Then in an instant I’m drowning in sorrows of my past.

My anger, the control, all my selfish thoughts. From this place to that place. The energy of my body drains fast.

I’m falling, I’m falling. Am I even screaming for help?

I’m falling, I’m falling. Is anyone…….

XoxO.

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