May 5th, 2020
I’m so overwhelmed. I feel this ride needs to come to a halt.
The negative energy inside of me keeps processing. It’s in control and its my fault.
Two days alone while my parents go out of state. I was alone and had no hope.
For those two days, all I did was search for a fucking rope.
This is my only chance to do this, I will be free from all my pain inside.
Only to be unsuccessful, just as I am with everything else. I scream and cry asking why.
Yes my thoughts were cloudy and suicide was the only thing on my mind.
This is my chance to do it with no distractions. This is my time to fly.
Lack of supplies is what had stopped me that day. It gets harder for me each time.
I used to never have these thoughts. Now, I can’t get them out of my mind.
It’s such a ride I tell you. The people who I need dont support me like I need.
Those I need to eliminate from my life make me feel so accepted, they let me be free.
Its so hard to stay away, when I feel they are the only ones there to care.
Next time will I find that rope, will I change my mind, will I have fear…
I’m unsure, and to be honest I’m a little scared..
Xoxo – Amber Lee
I am doing fine, just some darkness I needed to release. I would apologize for all my dark writing, but that’s the way I feel. That’s just me.