March 31st, 2021

The day I decided to stay alive and make a change.

Boy oh boy, had this been one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. I had been crying out for help for years but never did I accept the help that was offered. I was and still at times can be so stubborn.

I had attended outpatient treatment through SEK Mental Health in my home town with a Substance Abuse Counselor and a therapist. I had wanted to find a new way to live and couldn’t seem to figure it out on my own.

I have struggled with addiction since I was pretty young. I remember smoking weed in my dad’s basement before the double digits.. The real addiction problem arises at the age 19. I became addicted to meth.

With the grace of God I had found myself having some sober time due to some pregnancies. After the adoptions and my tubual ligation, I began to use again shortly after..

However, no pregnancy could bring me back to sobriety because my tubes had been burned and I had no desire to stop.. Losing everything I had ever worked for time and time again, losing teeth, and losing my sanity didn’t even work on changing my ways. I continued to use.

My addiction became so bad that in 2018 I even lost residential custody of my children and had a pending felony charge at hand. Did that make me change? No. And, for me to be vulnerable and tell my story today is a complete turn around from where I had been a few years back.

I have so much shame and guilt at times. I don’t realize how much progression I have made. Self pity is my enemy.

On March 30th, I talked myself out of suicide after sitting for three hours in my moms garage with some firearms and ammunition. That night I stayed in a motel room alone and waited for a ride to a treatment center the next morning.

March 31st, I Amber Patterson – made a life changing decision to get some help. I went to a treatment facility in Lawrence Kansas. First Step at Lakeview.

Stay tuned for more of my story…

Love you all.

XoxO

Amber Lee

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