The First Hello in Treatment

Saturday, The Day I was released from Detox

The first person who said Hi to me was the most beautiful red head with the most prettiest eyes.. She also had a newborn baby with her, his name was Gauge. Her story was so heartbreaking but she has so much will power to live. She mentioned to me that this was her last chance at being clean or it was 38 months in prison. Not only that but she had other kids waiting for her return back home.

I did not understand what she had done so bad for 38 months in prison. But that was just something I might not ever understand.. I felt her beautiful soul in my presence and it was amazing. During her treatment sentence, I guess that’s what you would call it, her grandmother passed.. I was nervous for her outcome but she ended up graduating.

The day she graduated she got to make it home to see her baby’s last soccer game. I was so sad to see her go but hopeful for her future. That also made me hopeful for mine.

There was a very dark moment when I was in treatment. I was so depressed and my Mania had started going down to my lowest of lows. She had noticed this change in my behaviour and she shared a passage from The Bible. I needed to hear those words that day.

With my episodes of Mania I tried to mask it. However I wasn’t very good at that. A few people had called me on my bluff one being my counselor. My counselor mentioned it must always be exhausting to wear that mask of a smile on your face. I couldn’t do or say much but agree with her.

There was something she said that I needed to remember. She told me it’s OK to have bad days. It’s OK to have people that don’t like you. It’s OK to be human and have feelings.

So I stopped, and thought about this. I took her words into consideration that day. I stopped masking my feelings and emotions. And started feeling those emotions that I would once numb with substances. Some days were difficult, some days were easy. Some days I hated the world. And then some days I hated myself.

But with being in treatment I did learn a few things. I learned plenty of different ways to cope with these feelings and thoughts. I also built a good support group for when I had these thoughts and emotions.. I just had to remember to utilise these things.

I can be stubborn, but I have realized there is something greater than myself. I had to surrender. I am so thankful for the insight I got while in this treatment center.

I’ve got so much more to share with you all, so please stick around!!

XoxO

Amber Lee

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